


he's so eager to please

by aphwhales



Series: alphamatic polyamorous kids [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Multi, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, implied past sexual abuse, self loathing on jake's part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 04:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13651347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphwhales/pseuds/aphwhales
Summary: Jake tries to deal with what happened in the game.





	he's so eager to please

**Author's Note:**

> you should note that my headcanon is that once they won, their memories merged with the memories of their alt selves. hence, jake has memories of the GAME OVER timeline. 
> 
> title is taken from "my boy builds coffins" by f+tm  
> theres a kofi link in my profile if you feel so inclined.

Purple, purple, purple, _there is a foot pressing on your groin and you know if you look up it will be Not Jane and you can’t breathe_ \- 

You awake with a gasp and a strangled sob in your throat. Your name is Jake English, and the game ended a year ago. 

You’re shaking, and you fumble for your glasses on the nightstand. Something else clatters to the floor and you flinch. Judging by the sound, it’s probably only Dirk’s shades, but. You just can’t help it. 

You push your glasses on, smudging the lens in the process, because you can’t be bothered to aim for the bridge - you can barely see for the tears welling up, anyway. You stumble to the door and turn to glance back into the room, making sure you haven’t woken anyone up. 

Next to your empty spot, Roxy is curled up into the fetal position, with her back to Calliope and Dirk. Callie’s practically on top of Dirk, one of her clawed hands resting against his collarbone. Finally, Jane snores on her stomach, head tucked into the space under Dirk’s arm. 

You frown, and continue on.

The living room is quiet - it’s late, even for Dirk. Assorted sewing supplies lay on the coffee table, and you push a few unfinished puppets aside before sitting on the couch, face in your hands, elbows on your knees. 

You remember sitting this way, knees to your chest, fists rubbing your eyes, in that cell. _I’d help you, but I’m not real._

You can’t breathe. It sets you off further, _Not Jane shoving you against the wall forcing you to your knees-_

“Jake? Love, are you alright?” It’s Calliope. Quiet but for the click-click of her claws on the tile, you hadn’t noticed her. You hadn’t noticed you were crying either, but look at that, your hands are wet. 

“Jake?” Callie’s still there, head cocked in concern. 

“I’m,” You take a deep breath. “I’m just grand, Callie, don’t worry. You should go back to bed.” 

She click-clicks closer to you, sits on the couch a foot or so away from you, and stares at you. Then, “You’re doing what Dirk does, dear. Avoiding the questions.” 

You laugh dryly. “I suppose that does make me quite a hypocrite. Daft of me, thinking I could avoid you and your clever mind!” Your voice cracks, and Calliope frowns harder. 

Her hand hovers over your knee for a moment, and she searches your face. When you nod, she rests her hand there, claws curling protectively over your knee cap. “I do have to say, you at least talked to Jane about what happened. More than can be said for Dirk.” 

“Yeah, but -” You heave for a moment, tears dripping onto your thighs. “I don’t know, he. He can deal with that sort of thing now. Kissing Roxy, I mean. I - You-” 

Calliope rubs her thumb soothingly over your knee. “I really don’t think that makes it any better.” 

“He doesn’t have nightmares about his girlfriend groping him once a week,” You finally whisper. 

“If he had been in your situation,” Callie says consolingly, “I’m sure he would have. As it stands, we both know he thinks about, well.” 

_Severed heads can retain consciousness for up to 30 seconds, but since I’m a Heart player I guess I last longer._ He rambled that a month ago, while Dave was over, playing Mario Kart with him and Roxy. Dave had froze. You, sitting at the table within earshot, had promptly vomited, thinking of how you had thrown his head at the sight of him on your island.

“I don’t know.” You feel like vomiting again. Callie smoothes your hair back. 

“Come on, love, we should get back to bed. Will it be your bedroom or mine?” Callie’s bedroom had the bed you all slept in - she didn’t like being alone. The rest of you had separate rooms in case you needed space. 

“...Yours.” You have to get over this sometime. Callie looks at you quizzically, as if she can hear you thinking, but. You can’t be weak anymore. 

Jane is standing in the doorway. You flinch in surprise. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, practically mouths it, because Roxy and Dirk are light sleepers and the fact that Dirk is asleep at all is a miracle. You’re still shaking. 

Jane reaches out to hold your free hand, but she makes you close the distance. Her hand is warm and soft. In your other hand, Calliope is rough and sharp. 

“Sorry to wake you both!” You attempt to be chipper. Jane frowns her _I’m in charge_ frown, best as she can half asleep. 

“Jake, we need to talk about this at some point.” 

“We did. And I forgive you. And it’s completely my fault that we keep bringing it up.” 

Jane sighs. Calliope squeezes your hand. “Jake, you have nightmares about this at least once a week, and you end up so freaked out that you avoid me-” 

Oh gods, have you been ignoring everyone again? “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you.” 

Jane sighs again. “That isn’t the point.” 

Calliope leans against your arm. “The point is, I believe, that talking about it might help.” 

“I.” You inhale sharply. “I don’t know if I can.” 

“Just try?” Jane urges. You nod. Calliope presses her cheek to yours, and then to Jane’s. You allow your girls to pull you back into bed, and sleep soundly between the two of them. 

Much closer to the edge than previously, since Dirk and Roxy seem to have decided the bed was theirs in your absence.


End file.
